I finally understand the "egg shell" comment... !

Okay, as a teen I never really understood why my family would get mad and tell me they were "tired of walking on egg shells around me..." . Honestly I thought "how self absorbed, this is not about you, I am in crisis..." LOL - seriously though, I didn't understand the reference. Now with my own tween experiencing her own versions of personal crisis and finding her mother to be the perfect object for torture I TOTALLY GET IT! I come home from work and she is usually at the table doing homework - (since she is grounded until she is caught up) I look at her face to see what type of night we are going to have... here are the two main options:
1. We make eye contact and she smiles and says "hi mom, did you have a good day?" To which I smile, sigh in relief and we proceed with small talk (I still stay somewhat braced as usually she will hit me up with a request for money or something like that) OR
2. We make eye contact and she grimaces and says "why are you looking at me, why do you always look at me, I didn't do anything, this is not fair, you ruin my life....etc." Then I make a beeline out of the room and ask Kirk if he wants to leave and go play some tennis :)

In all honesty, things were pretty yucky the past couple of weeks... Tyler made a lot of bad choices in school and at home and I had to be firm and strict and all of those things you have to do to save your children from self destruction. So grounded, no computer, no phone, and limited contact with the outside world... finally, we are talking civilly again and she is getting the point that "i love you and can I have five bucks" do not belong as one permanently connected phrase - takes away from the sentiment :)

Tyler is catching up with her homework... she is one day away from two full weeks with no missing assignments and her grades are coming up. She has decent grades for the past two weeks, but her overall average still stinks. She will earn her phone back if the Friday grade check has no missing assignments and her grades are all As and Bs... she will also be off of her grounding... doesn't mean she is going anywhere but the possibility is there...

Tyler is going to be on the summer swim team at a local swim center. She will have four days a week of practice and meets every Saturday for the months of June and July. We are all looking forward to that fun. She is taking a break from tennis, for whatever reason she is rebelling from the sport her dad and I love to participate in (not a surprise I suppose) but we did tell her that she could do any sport, she just had to be active - so swimming it is!

So, mom, I am sorry for making you feel like you had to walk on egg shells... Hopefully I learned from experiencing your parenting what to do when she gets into another downward spiral in her teenage roller coaster... she is on an upswing right now, happy, smiling, being nice and HELPFUL, (knocking on my wood desk - sounds like laminate) so I will choose to enjoy this one day at a time and I will keep tentatively checking her face when I walk into the house at the end of the day... of course once she has her phone back she will start calling me again to see if I am on my way home and I can feel out the situation before I get in the house... I am hoping Tyler's teen angst won't last as long as it seems mine was... I would rather enjoy being her mother than dread what will happen next. So I will have to remind myself every day to take this one day at a time with her...

In talking to a friend who is a bit older than me, I realized a few things I had forgotten already as a mother... my friend was telling me that she couldn't remember her mother hugging her after she was about 10 or so... the context had to do with things going on with her mom now etc. but it got me thinking about when I had last hugged Tyler. While it had not been years, it certainly had been a while. When we fight I don't always want to hug her and we had been fighting a lot... so I decided I was going to hug Tyler at least once a day. Now at first Tyler resisted a bit or would ask me for money while I hugged her which made me mad... but we have gotten past that and every night before we go to bed (except Thursday unless she stays up to wait for me) and every morning before I leave for work we hug. I hope this make a difference because I even hug her when I am mad at her... she doesn't always hug me back, but last night she came in and hugged me while I was in bed watching TV - it had been a long time since she had initiated hugging me too. I am guessing we will be okay (and I tell myself that every day).

So for today, no egg shells and I have class so I won't see her when I get home, she will be asleep...so Thursday, March 26, 2009 is a good day... two phone conversations and a talk in the morning and we made it through a day without a fight or clash of any kind... ! :)

I'm Back On Track...

Wow, days fly by... We are all surviving - some of us doing better at it than others :) Kirk, Dylan, and I just returned from Indian Wells, CA - we were able to watch some incredible tennis - spent four days at the BNP Paribas Tennis Tournament and saw some great players. We all especially enjoyed watching them warm up, you can get so close and listen to what they are working on and see how they practice and correct errors etc... so great... saw Roddick (my favorite) during a real long practice with friends at La Quinta Resort and watched others at the tournament. It was fun - Dylan enjoyed swimming in the evening best, she tolerated the tennis all day to get to the pool.  

Tyler stayed with her grandma - didn't want to be with her embarrassing parents. Plus she is mad because she is grounded and has no more cell phone due to poor grades, and obsessive phone talking (one cal was 516 minutes) seriously, there is no one needing to talk that long!  She is now hitting the books to hopefully regain some privileges... she needs all As and Bs to restore normal life routines. She is at 1-B, 2-C, and 1-D.... so she is hitting the books. She did make swim team for this summer. She is taking one more class between now and then to finesse her strokes and then it will be four days a week with meets every Saturday... I don't know who is more excited, me or her, but whatever, she will be on the swim team. 

Dylan is pretty funny. Right now while Tyler is going through her early teen rebellion, Dylan reminds Kirk and I why we wanted kids... and we are sure that when Dylan is a teen we will look at Tyler as a young adult and be reminded that we will live through it again...

We forgot to take Dyl's figurines on our trip and she began playing with her fingers (as people)... she just loves to have animals or people and make them talk to one another... she will do it all day - no kidding, the whole car trip, her fingers were talking to each other and having great adventures.

Update on my birth mother... she went through the radiation treatment for the cancer in her brain... she is in complete remission. We are all surprised, as they were giving months and then indicating remission... hopefully she will stay healthy at this point, her body has a lot of rebuilding to do and she needs to take care of herself. Lerry is relieved, hopefully he will be able to move on in his world, he put a lot of hold, worried of committing to anything in case he needed to go and help his mom. 

Kirk is fine - riding his bike and staying fit is his thing and he definitely works hard at it.... from the goofy bike pants to the funky heart rate monitor... while we laugh at him, he will probably outlive us all :) but we do laugh anyway :) Tyler had a nightmare that Kirk showed up at school to give her lunch money and walked into her class wearing his riding pants (with pad on seat) and his bike shoes, helmet etc.... just picture it... she woke up mortified and told him to never show up at school for anything - LOL! 

The four of us are doing well, happy enough, and figuring out how to survive in the same house without harming each other permanently... Let's see if I can update sooner than a month from now...!

Teesie, this one's for you...

Feeling slightly under the weather, I have taken a few days off of work... this allows me to pick Dylan up from preschool... For Dylan this is a huge treat as we always do something fun when I pick her up. So yesterday we went to Baskin and Robbins and she walked along the newly built ledge that allows the shorties to pick their own flavors. Dylan tried quite a few flavors with the "little spoon" before settling on sprinkle cake. As she ate her ice cream, she talked my ears off... "we should do this two times mom" " can you pick me up this many days (with three fingers raised)" and when I told her we would just do this sometimes on special occasions she responded, "okay, just on special times". So as we ran a few errands, we were driving by the library and Dylan told me she wanted to get a book... so in we went. She was talking all the way... "let's get a book about ducks mom, what did the mother duck do (I think she must have sang that song at school that day)" So we went in and picked a video and three books... Dylan played Barney on the computer and did not want to leave. She went to the magazine rack and found me a People magazine and a runner magazine and told me to "sit down and read mommy, it's the library" so that I did. As I read, she went and sat at every chair at every table in the children's section reading her book for awhile in each seat. She greeted every adult and child in her new seating arrangement. She was so cute... and mom, she didn't want to leave the library...

So last night, she wanted to read all of the books we checked (all three - I have learned don't check out more books than can be read in one sitting). Her new favorite? Don't let the pigeon ride the bus... I had never read these before, Dylan was beside herself giggling... we read it five times... and she is such a softy, by the third page she was already saying "yes, he can drive the bus" Too funny - the giggling even when she new what was going to happen next... in fact the anticipation giggling was the most fun...

Where was Tyler? At grandma's house doing homework on grandma's computer (she has a working printer)... So, here is an informal poll, we have a family vacation to Indian Wells to watch the BNP Paribas Tennis tournament over spring break... Tyler does not want to go, she is asking if she can stay at her grandmother's house. I am thinking she should go and be with the family - do I force her to go so she can torture me with her attitude throughout the week or force her to go and hope she can have some fun and make the best of the time as a family or do I let her stay with her grandmother? Tricky question for me, but I bet you all have an easy answer (or non-answer probably from some of you)... and no fair saying "you have to decide that one Kerri"...

I think I need to go see a movie...

The weather is going between rainy and Arizona sunshine... The girls are stuck between wanting to be outside and wanting to hibernate... only when it rains they want out and as it clears up they cry about our encouragement to get outside... go figure - Kirk thinks it is a girl thing (being contrary) he stopped short of saying they got it from me :). We had a busy week, seemed to be constantly running from one thing to the next... Tyler has three "fs" so she is grounded... she can get it done, she just loves her friends and now I am finding out that some of her friends - best friends - that I assumed were girls are actually boys... when she talked about "Maddy" she was really saying "Matty" and "Dani" is really "Danny"... these are the friends she hangs out with the most... I feel as lost as Bernie Mac on his silly sitcom America... Tyler doesn't seem to mind being grounded, she gets her work done and then veg's out on her cell phone... a few extra chores, but seriously, it is more of a punishment for Kirk and I as she sulks around dragging her feet and saying "what, what, what" " quit looking at me"... Dylan has realized how to dress herself... she discovered her ability to do this "all by myself" two days ago... this weekend, she has changed clothes at least four times each day... and she is thorough, she does not just change part of an outfit, she strips down bare naked and announces to all she is going to change then starts over from scratch... very cute... Must be why I am so happy... not because she can dress herself... but because I do have two pretty cute kids... they balance out any stress with full blown cuteness and joy...

On another note to keep you all informed... I did not get chosen to be the principal. They actually didn't chose either of us... with our district's dismal financial situation they decided to take a district level administrator (assistant superintendent) and name her as a the principal for a year... all in a day's work... to be honest, I still have a job, I know my job well and I make a pretty decent impact on our school community where I am right now, so maybe when it opens up again I will put my hat in at that time... it was a good experience to interview and it built up my confidence in the contributions I do and can make... It just wasn't my time :) So with that, I just got back from my run... it is pretty late, I procrastinated all day... and we are off to Target and a movie... the date night of busy parents - target and a movie (maybe Kevin can use that concept in a commercial)... I think we will see "He's really not that into you" of course then I will have to read the book which will most likely be more funny but the commercials alone have sold me on this movie... Kirk says it reminds him of me when I was in college... :) but that is a whole different blog... Bye for now...

Writing letters is hard work when you are three. With Valentines Day just around the corner, Dylan has a lot of work to do with all of her friends, relatives and cousins to think about... She is really into coloring lately so it is a good thing her Poppy and Teesie got her stocked up on coloring books and crayons at Christmas time... she has plenty to keep her busy... There is something very peaceful about watching her color and write... she is just too cute... 

The Big Interview

Well, as you know I am in the process of interviewing to take on the role of principal at my high school... so I had my second interview on Friday afternoon... We were interviewed by two members of the Board... in retrospect, knowing what I do about each of the two, I am not surprised things shook out as they did... Anyway, I had a good time in the interview, questions were fine and they avoided completely the issue of my not living in the community (in the past that has been a ginormous issue for some)... so I walked out of the interview to see my friend the associate superintendent hanging out and waiting with the other applicant (at this point there are only two of us left in the running)... He smiled a "hi" my way and I gave him a high five only to point out that he must have come to my school that morning to see what I was wearing as he had copied me... I went out and bought a new gray suit (size 10 - I am so excited) and a stylish pink shell along with a cool belt.... I wore it all day... so anyway I know he must have come to see what his competition was up to as he showed up in gray pants, a pink shirt and maroon tie... as you can see in the picture we were both trying to add subtlety to our large and dominant personalities with these muted colors... at least the photo shoot distracted him prior to his interview :)... I hung out with my friend the associate superintendent to find out at the end of both interviews they still cannot make a decision between he and I so we will in fact each have another interview and this time it will occur in front of the entire school Board... this is actually fine as there is a slight bit of controversy about this contest, and ultimately the Board has to approve the next principal, so why not let them choose... Don't know when that will be, but I will let you know... The picture of me and Steve was taken after my interview and before his... we both look happy enough :)

Haircuts, teasing, and another week slipped away...

Well, the beauty queen you see here went to "great clips" for a hair cut on Saturday and had a ball. She got her hair shampooed, cut, and styled with a lollipop to keep her busy while she waited for her sister. Now that we can see her eyes, she is cuter than we remembered. Of course a new hairdo requires new accessories... so off we went to the store to buy barrettes -  if two barrettes are good why not all six in your hair at the same time? Since she is the "queen" she wore six wonderful barrettes all day... 

Dylan was so funny while she was waiting for Tyler to have her hair cut, she didn't mind chiming in with her 10 cents on the situation... the stylist was having a heck of a time getting the tangles out of Tyler's hair (dreadlocks were forming - really - hence the haircut)... so the stylist made a comment wanting me to notice the mess and the 20 minutes it was taking just to get her hair ready to cut, I let her know I would make sure she had a decent tip while laughing... and Dylan said "mommy didn't want to yell at Tyler today"... so funny and true at the same time... Tyler has monstrously thick and long hair and does not take very good care of her hair... so when I help wash and comb her hair periodically (because it drives me nuts) we generally get into an argument because it is a gigantic mess... so Dylan was right on target and not shy about repeating that to strangers :).  So, Tyler decided on a shorter layered cut... she is not excited about pictures so I can just describe that it is flippy and falls at its longest right at the shoulder... long enough still for a pony tail and the very trendy comb over bangs... all the rage with the preteen set... So, my girls are now stylin'... and as you can see, Dylan will pose for the camera at a moments notice...  

To change the subject, I will tell you about Dylan's teasing streak... not sure where that came from, but she gets the whole concept of teasing her mother. Every now and then I fish for the loving comment and/or declaration of adoration towards mommy... so I thought I had the fail proof fishing lure... "Dylan, who is your favorite mommy?"... my little smarty pants looked at me with her spunky little twinkle and said, "Daddy is my favorite mommy! hehehehehehehe" and then we got to hear that all day, "Daddy is my favorite Mommy hahahahahah!" She finds herself so amusing, and so does her dad! 

I am not sure how time has come to speed up lately, the weekends get her much quicker than I expect... I think I am ready for a day off in the near future... We are headed to Palm Springs/Indian Wells in March so I think I can hold off for that... Of course Tyler is not looking forward to to the trip unless she can bring a friend... four days away from home with her family at a tennis tournament is about as exciting as a plate of spinach for her... she would rather starve :)! Luckily, Kirk is coordinating with some friends of ours that have a couple of kids Tyler likes to meet us out there, so she will choose to be a part of our family adventure... She might even have some fun , but I won't dare suggest it... the last time I commented she looked cute in her outfit, she yelled at me, "mom stop it, now I have to go and change!" I thought wow, I can't win for losing here... I am sure my mom will get a smile out of that experience as she might hold onto some similar exchanges with a much younger version of me :). Talking to a preteen girl is a slippery slope - moms can't win so sometimes I just have to ask myself how far down the slope I want to fall - other times I just want her to change because I don't want her to leave the house in the outfit and don't want her to know I hate it or she will wear it every day... (so I tell her cool she looks - mom saying cool is the kiss of death to anything in the room)  LOL - manipulation is not all bad right?